Today marks 1 Year 1 Month and 12 days since my boyfriend and I started dating. Thats a long time. If you ask anyone they would ask, “So you guys getting married?” Valid question. Realistic even. But what would be our answer…”I don’t know…” Yep you heard me. I have NO idea! It’s driving me up the wall! All I want to do is marry him!!! I see us dressed in white being sealed together. I see us moving into our first home. I see us having a baby and adoring it to peices. I see us raising 7 children and growing old together. I see my future when I look into his eyes. I can’t imagine finding anyone more like me. We think alike, we act alike, we laugh til it hurts! Just yesterday we were sticking grapes in our noses and seeing who looked funnier! When I kiss him I feel fireworks, TMI (too much information), im sorry! I have never felt this way about anyone in my entire life. And the fact that I’ve had a crush on him since I was in the 8th grade makes it all the more romantic.
But what does he feel you ask?… He loves me, he loves me he loves me, he says! But when we get on the subject of marriage lines go blurry and predicting the future is hazy. He says he hasn’t received his answer yet. He wants to be 100% sure. He has to recieve an answer from God that it is right. I ask him one question, “Why would Heavenly Father say no to two people in Love?” And silence fills the room.
I don’t understand life. You want the best for yourself but for some reason thats not at all what we get. I’ve looked back and have seen where I was and how far I’ve come. I pray everyday that I will make the best decisions and find answers to my questions. I feel the spirit. I love life and give thanks to those who have made my life a little easier. I feel at peace.
What is around the corner? Why can’t I see? All I want is a glimpse, not even two seconds. All I want to know is that I find someone to cherish me forever. Should I put marriage out of my mind? Should I decide to date for fun rather than pursue my Eternal Companion? Because I don’t understand right now. I love him and he loves me… We have stayed close to the iron rod our entire relationship.
I just have to go forward without wedding bells in my head. I’m sorry future children, you will have to find another mother.