Good morning fellow bloggers. I’d like to give a shout out to my few followers! Ann Vose, best mother in the World. Mandie Barnes, can I get a woooh (inside joke). Also Sandy Pants, “I fell in the shower and can’t get up, I need you to come in here…” (inside joke from this morning).
Now that I’ve got that taken care of I’d like to hit on an issue that has been at the forefront of my personal life the last couple days. This morning I was listening to my same great gospel radio station in the car on my way to work. Then this song came on that had these repeated words continuously throughout the chorus, “Your future is what you make it, your future is what you make it.” At first I was just jamming to this heart healthy song but then the lyrics started to bother me. If the future is what I make it then why am I not in a lot better place right now? I have tried so hard to make my future the way I want and it doesn’t ever seem to work out. I have eventually come to grips with the ever changing currents of love and heartbreak that I realized there is absolutely no way to ever predict the future.
I have been in the same amazing relationship for over a year now where I thought without a doubt I knew how it was going to end. A white picket fence, a dog, and cute little kids running around. But after every second of trying to make that a possibility I ran out of steam. Not by choice, but by pure exhaustion. It’s like running a 26.5 mile marathon and realizing that they randomly moved the finish line farther and you might have to run another 26.5 miles.
You get my drift? I sure hope so because that was a doozy to have to explain. Not because of the word choice, but because I’m completely done talking about it. If you have any questions please keep them barried down deep where not even you can reach and we will both have a great day. :) One thing I can say is how grateful I am to share my thoughts with such a mindless machine. Therapy? no. Relief? yes.
I have a full weekend ahead of me. Vegas for a friends wedding, then cali here we come. I’ll try and keep my head screwed on straight at the wedding and not fantasize that that will be me one day. Because from my standpoint in life I don’t see it happening. But I can’t be jealous of every person that walks down the isle. They found happiness, they hit the jackpot, they will never be lonely again. I’m so happy for my friends. They made it to the next step in their lives. I wish I knew what lies in my future? I’ll give someone my entire life savings to know! It’s not much but it will buy you a slurpy on a hot day. All I can say is I hope its happy because I’ve worked too dang hard to be a freakin’ cat lady my entire life. Love the felines but I need more.