Life has always been extremely different from what I imagined or ever planned. My younger years proved that to a “T”. I probably experienced things that to this day still suprise me and sound almost unreal. I thought as I grew up and had more control of my life that it would be a lot better. Well it has to a point! I am doing everything I ever set out to do. I am the person I wanted to be. I am doing the things I always dreamed of. But why am I still unsatisfied? I feel like there’s more out there for me and until now I don’t know how to obtain it…?
I had a very interesting night last night… You could say a complete flop of a night. I was so excited and then like an arrow to a target my hopes were dashed within seconds. Isn’t that how life works out? So many great things happen that lead up to the one perfect moment or event that your so excited your almost shaking. And then as soon as it happens your disappointed.
For example a birthday party or prom! You plan everything out perfectly, expecting all the pieces to just fall into place the way there supposed to. Well with all that expectation there is no way in the world anything will live up to it. And maybe thats my problem? I learned that same lesson in small doses but as life progresses I find it follow me no matter where I go.
You could say that about my last relationship. Such high hopes that in my mind happiness was pretty much written in stone. I had no doubt in my mind that this was it! I found my Eternal Companion! But like a block pulled from a janga wall, it all came crashing down in my lap. I was upset, sure, but knew that sulking was not the answer. When upset I immediately turn to social therapy. It can help mend those broken wounds but never completely heal. That comes with time. I have been learning that lesson too with every new leaf I turn over. I just have to remember that the happy ending can somewhat be a mirage. That there will always be struggles and heartache. That is why I must remember to never expect too much out of life because then there’s never any disappointment.