Self Doubt

I don’t know if I told you but I am on a personal holiday in Las Vegas this weekend! I left Thursday night and I come home Tuesday morning. Didn’t want to miss all my important clients at work aka I do it for the money. Spending time with my Uncle and Cousin and long time friends has given me a new perspective on life. Ultimately I enjoy it.

I have the best life in the World. If you asked me that yesterday around 4pm I would of strongly disagreed. Walking home from church in my 4 in heels and tears running down my face was not my finest moment. But it all started with comparing myself to others. One second I was writing down everything I was grateful for and the next I was wallowing in my failures and disappointments of not doing enough with my life. Do you ever feel like that? Does wondering that you haven’t fulfilled everything you could have bring you to the brink of self-doubt and loathing?

I want so bad to be the best I can and to change someones life as well as my own! What if I never get the opportunity to convert someone to the gospel? What if I don’t follow the spirit that one time and miss out on amazing opportunities in my life? Am I where I’m supposed to be?! The anxieties and doubt well up inside of me and overflow like a mafic lascivious lava in a raging volcano!!!

………………………………………………………………………………………………. Then it hits me……………………………… silence………………………………………………………….. the cool breeze, the next step on the pavement, the drying of tears, the sound of rushing cars……………………………………….. No resolution, just peace…………………………..

Advertisements
5 comments
  1. LoveNiki said:

    :) I know the feelings you’re talking about, and I also know the great feeling of peace. Took me awhile to even begin understanding the concepts you mentioned but at this point in my life, I’m at a really great place. Thanks for sharing!

  2. rachel said:

    I loved this Chelsea…it helped me :) LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

  3. thatgirlwhit said:

    i have moments like these all the time. my good mood can quickly be altered due to my thoughts and self-judgement building on each other out of control! AHh! it can be horrible. i become a complete mess. but at the same time…learning to channel that into positive goals and motivation is what makes us even better. i think that’s part of the plan…recognizing our weaknesses and resolving to improve upon them.
    thanks for this. it’s a reminder to “try a little harder to be a little better” -gbh ….and that we’re not alone in it.

    • Thank you that really makes me feel a lot better. Its true that my thoughts and self-judgement are in constant battle. One usually wins over the other and leaves me with the mess to clean up aka tears. I need to better learn to channel those into something positive. Like what Gordan B. Hinckley said. I can always try harder but I must not get down on myself and compare myself because I’m still learning and growing. Maybe what I should do is look at it this way…. Whatever I feel like Im not doing good enough, I can turn that into my strength and tower over those people that bring me down:) Great pep talk thanks Whit!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: